& a m p e r s a n d

I will pray for God

gausahkepo:

“I will pray for God.” I said the moment I glance away from him.

“You used the wrong preposition, you will pray to God.” He says softly while staring at the very few people passing by.

                “No, I will really pray for God.” I want to hold his hand so badly but I take control of myself, because I know it will not end good if I don’t.

                “Oh really, now?” He smiled at me playfully, “and to whom would you address your prayers?”

                “The universe, surely.” I take out a cigarette and now look for my lighter, I need to smoke.

                “Hey, you know my lungs can’t stand these,” he grabs my cigarette, his fingers softly touches mine, I gasp beneath my breath. “Now, God created the universe, don’t you think it’s useless to pray for the creator to His creation?”

                I closed my eyes, feeling my heart hurting from his long desired touches.

                “Well, I believe that God has forgotten about the universe, He took it for granted and now the creation has over powered the creator.” I open my eyes, surprised by my ability to restrain tears.

                “Still, a creation power must be within its creator’s range, therefore, any power that the universe holds will lose in front of God. Besides, the universe doesn’t even have any power.” He now bends his knee and put his arm on them, he stares at the trash can across the road.

                “Are you kidding me?” I look at him with disbelief, he lays his head on his arms, his eyes straight to mine.

                “Enlighten me with your abundant knowlegde, please.” He smlies weakly, but intrigued.

                “Well, the way I see it, God created this whole universe ages ago, right? If He is so divine like us humans believe, he must got bored easily, why else did he destroyed all those dinos? I’m pretty sure he eventually got bored of us too. Yeah at first he must had enjoyed all the drama we created from the emotions He created, but it gets old, really. A bit overrated too,” I can see the fires in my eyes reflected in his. He is not saying anything, so I continue, “So one day, God decided to take a break, a long nap. He had everything planned for all of His creations, so He said to the universe to look after us and give us surprises now and then.”

                “Where is God?” He now shares the fire in my eyes.

                “I told you, He is taking a nap, having people worship you until the point of murdering each other isn’t all fun, you know,” Strands of his hair are covering his eyes. I take a deep breath and continue , “Anyway, the universe. Like all forgotten things, it has the power to evolve, to prove itself in the eyes of the one that forgot it. It has been studying the way God plan lives, and has mastered it as well.”

                “So, the thing controlling us now isn’t God anymore, but the universe?” He sits straight, turns his body to me. My knees are getting weak even though I’m sitting down.

                “No, silly, we control ourselves. The universe just throw a thing or two in our way to check on our balancing skill. I guess..” I look up to the sky, the moon is awfully bright tonight.

                “Huh, it would be nice if I can juggle,” He joins my amazement towards the sky, “Beautiful stars tonight,eh?”

                “Yes. But the moon is so alone.” We stopped talking about the universe a few sentence back.

                “Pray to the universe for the moon’s company, then.” He gives me a friendly punch on my shoulder.

                “Oh the amount of prayer I make..” I still fix my view to the moon.

                “Come on, it’s almost dawn, let’s go find something to munch.” He stands up, clean his pants from the dirt on the sidewalk and gives me a hand to help me stand up.

                I accept and we both stroll the street outside the carnival we were in until a few hours ago.

                “Hey, anyway, why would you pray for God in the first place?” He holds my hand subtly. I get chills. It has been years since he did that but there is no way I would pull my hand away from his.

                “I would pray for God to wake up from His nap and get His powers back.” He holds my hand tighter. I almost choke.

                “And why would you need Him to wake up and get His power back?” He bites his lips softly.

                “I need Him to see us, and fix us.” I lose my voice.

                He kissed me gently.

                We stroll back to look for something to munch, hands tight together, smiles on our faces.

Dear Laura Nurlatifa,

You, my friend, are such an awesome writer. Looking at the mighty thing you just wrote on your blog makes me want to kill myself in shame. Gosh, that story is fucking, fucking awesome.